As a closeted Gay Mormon I was always very careful to keep my ogling discreet and not even allow myself to sneak a second glance. Now however, being out and open I'm wondering if that's the best plan. A part of me feels like if I take a second look at a cute guy, I am being lustful and the natural man is an enemy to God. But there is another part of me that feels free for the first time to experience what straight people take for granted, physical attraction. I remember when I was in middle school and my sisters and I would be in the car and they would be pointing out cute guys and talking about them as we drove past. I could never say anything, because it wasn't okay for me to feel the way they did. Now, being out and open I feel like I can't even voice an attraction without it feeling to other people like I'm rubbing their nose in my orientation. When in fact, society has been slathering gays with their hetero biases our whole life. An example of this is when a friend and I were watching a movie, she casually said that she always thought that David Duchovny was cute. I simply said, "Yeah me too." And for some odd reason it caused an awkward moment. Why can she voice an attraction that would never amount to anything, and I shouldn't? maybe because voicing it might make it an eventuality perhaps? I think that God kind of already made that a potential eventuality when he allowed me to be born this way. Thanks Gaga!
(Just the tiniest piece of eye candy for you)
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