The Dark Side of Mormonville

It's no secret that when conflicted and confused, the new generation gay is turning to the internet for answers.  When I first came out, I needed to know if there were other people like me.  Turns out there are.  A lot.  The blogs I link to are a perfect example.

There are also a lot of people who are dealing with things in a very different way.

In the early process of my research, I needed to know how gay people would even go about meeting each other in such a conservative culture, and sadly I looked into some Men seeking Men classifieds in my area.  I say sadly, because what I found was disheartening.  Here are some actual quotes from the adds IN MY AREA.

"LDS RM needing a good pounding.  Be clean and good looking."
"Closeted Bear Bishop looking for a young twink to *&%^."
"Give a Mormon boy his first time. DL."
"Married man looking for a discrete bj. Your car or mine."
"Hold to my iron rod."

Okay, yes, the last one was witty, but the simple truth is that these men are so afraid of the social consequences of being gay, that they are doing things that are far more damaging.  These adds actually were a contributing factor in my coming out.  I could not stand the idea of being dishonest with people I love, or trading a loving relationship with a man, for casual disease ridden lust.  Church leaders don't think that there is a problem, or that it is not as common as it is, but that is only because it is in the dark.  They protest the 10% statistic, but only because 8% of their 10 are having sex in the closet.

If you are a man on the down low, please, please, PLEASE consider how your fear and self loathing is ruining the lives around you.  Your wife loves you.  Your children love you.  You can't keep hiding the feelings, because they only fester in the dark.  Bring them out, work through them and you can potentially live a happy life you never knew could exist.  You have hurt people and yourself, you can't take that back... But you can change your future.  Have the courage.

Here is a good video on the choices for a Gay Mormon.